Hero in a Crisis

I like to think I’d be good in a crisis, despite all evidence to the contrary. This morning an old lady took a terrible tumble on the pavement outside my house, and I had a matter of moments to consider my options. My city-dwelling instincts kicked in first; don’t get involved, it’s probably a trap, she’s probably a young crim with a knife dressed up like an old lady. But she was in considerable distress, and in the end it looked like nobody else was going to help so I went out. She had dodgy knees so couldn’t get up. I offered to lift her up and she said that I wouldn’t be able to lift her weight. Rather than helping anyway, I thought ‘well you would know better than me how easy you are to lift’, and left her there like an upturned turtle. Moments later a passer-by lifted her up with ease while I just stood there, a hapless observer.

My first actual helpful act had still not been carried out. It’s one thing to make the decision to help, but if you then just hang around hopping from one leg to the other like a toddler who needs a piss, it doesn’t mean very much. I had to do something. So I thought – I’ll get her a chair. If there’s one thing old ladies enjoy, it’s sitting down. So I got her a chair. Never mind the bump on her head or the blood streaming from her fingers and elbows, what she needs is a good sit. And fair enough, she did sit and she did look like she was enjoying it. But there was still the small matter of the blood loss (never mind that it was making an absolute state of my doorstep – 5 minutes mopping afterwards!). I tended to her wounds (got a plaster or two) and then had to make a judgement call, whether or not to contact an ambulance. I looked at her and stroked my chin and sagely decided that she was going to be alright without an ambulance. She seemed to be in full control of her senses.

So then she got up, and believing that it was her own, walked straight into my house.

I think it’s safe to say that in a crisis I’d be about as useful as an Jewish pork merchant. Good job I wasn’t on hand to help out with the 7/7 bombings, or the terrorists might well have won by now.